Here goes . . . I haven't written, because I can't start. I (Lana) am the one who writes this post, as a representative of our whole family, so, it's my feelings and emotions that you get. Unfortunately for my little blog, I haven't known what to say, or how to say it, so, I've been silent. Silence is not something I usually do. :)

As a mother of 2 boys already, and now a new boy and girl, there is something very unnatural going on inside of me. (If I don't write something I never will, so, get ready for some raw, maybe a little crazy 'post court, but left my children in Africa' Mama Bear talk for a few minutes.) It's as if there is an instinct inside of me, a real, physical thing that is pounding on the door of my heart, telling me that I have children, 2 beautiful children, who I love more than words, that I left in an orphanage in Ethiopia, Africa. My heart isn't able to do anything about it, so it bounces around in my mind and physical body, trying to find escape, exhausting me on all fronts. I'm here, sitting in my wonderful home in Peoria, Arizona, and my sweet children are in Ethiopia, crying because they are alone and not with us. Every cell in my body is screaming at me that this is wrong, and my heart and soul are telling me to do something, and they are coming up against a brick wall.

I knew this was coming. I knew that I would go for court in Ethiopia, that the judge would tell me that it was a final decree and that the contract of adoption was unbreakable, and Semere and Yordanos were now my children . . . and then I would get on an airplane, and fly back to Arizona. When I got on that airplane, my arms hugging and kissing my Jack and Luke, to comfort them at the pain of leaving their brother and sister, my own heart was breaking, missing my 2 children who I traveled around the world to birth into our family. There is nothing natural about adoption.

This isn't natural, or normal, or what I would choose. But, I would choose Semere & Yordanos over and over again, fly across the world countless times, and spend my every last penny for them, so it's my new normal. In reading adoption blogs, I've critically judged some for being a little melodramatic. Well, I get it. This is incredibly dramatic, and more melodramatic that I would like to feel!

For now, we wait on the US embassy. I don't know why it takes so long in Ethiopia. I've heard of countries where you pass court and a couple weeks later you take your children to the states. There are a lot of answers to that question, and believe me, you'll hear about it, and learn how to help it go faster in a post to come, but for now, we wait. It could be as long as 6 months before Semere & Yordanos are issued visas and passage to their new home. What I know for sure, is that they are ours, and there is nothing an embassy, or government or senator could do to change the fact that we have a decree that is final that our family is now Vince, Lana, Jack, Semere, Luke and Yordanos Dorazio.

So much for not being melodramatic. I'll cap it off with the video that my new friend and adoptive Mommy Jamie took for us the first time we all met Semere & Yordanos. Even as I watch this for what seems like the 100th time, all my crying and sadness of the last few paragraphs is replaced by the blessings of our family. ALL of my children are safe, healthy, and completely secure and learning to be secure in their parents' and God's love. We'll be together sooner than I know it. I've had my time of mourning, but, I think it's about over for me. I'll show myself and my family grace to miss each other and mourn when it hits us, but there is so much more to be hopeful of now that we have Semere & Yordanos to look forward to coming home.